Wednesday, September 15, 2004

My Emotions Make Me Weak

So a female friend of mine threw my whole emotional world for a loop the other day. She says she had the biggest crush on me about 6 months ago, but that she couldn't tell me and now I have become a best friend to her, and not a romantic interest.

What is frustrating is that something similar happened from my point of view, and that had one of us had some courage we could have had a romance at the time. What makes it even more disorienting is that I still have feelings for her (apparently much stronger ones than I had thought), which apparently she no longer returns.

Those of you who know me (and I'm not going to flatter myself that anyone else even knows this page exists) will know that I cannot claim to be exactly experienced in the matters of the heart, and so it may come as no surprise to you that this is the first time I have ever been certain that a girl actually liked me as a romantic interest.

This of course only makes the whole thing worse, since I'm alternating between jumping for joy to know that I'm not completely romantically hopeless and kicking myself for not acting on my feelings and wanting to strangle her for not acting on hers.

Anyway, I had spent some time working on convincing myself that we should be just friends prior to this revelation, and I suppose I shall just have to do so again, since all my hard work has been undone by the knowledge that she did like me.

In the end, she is a wonderfull person to talk to and hang out with, and so I suppose I'm more than happy to have her as a best friend. At least this way, without romance, I won't lose someone so useful to argue (I mean discuss) things with over some stupid lover's tiff or something.

However, I'm not going to let this happen again if I can avoid it. From now on, I'll just have to steel myself and take the plunge a little earlier when I like a girl. Apparently there's actually a chance she likes me back!

But Sarah, if you're playing some game with me and still have feelings for me too, I swear to the god I don't believe in that I'll slug you one! Or kiss you, I don't know which.

Oh yeah, and I also started school this week.

Thought For The Day: "Our reason builds a fortress, and then discovers that our emotions are already inside the walls"
-The Doom of Fools

2 Comments:

Blogger the zero god said...

TDOF:

You're a champion. Take that for what you will.

-tzg

September 16, 2004 at 6:09 AM  
Blogger Doom Of Fools said...

Ok, this post is looking increasingly sad and out of date, not to mention embaressingly personal. I can't do anything about the personal bit, but I suppose it deserves an update.

So, new developments: First of all, last saturday Sarah and I talked on the phone, and somehow we arrived at the revelation that Sarah actually did like me (something to do with a blue shirt I wore the week before!). Anyway, we decided to go out the next day and see Shaun of the Dead.

The date was lots of fun, and I thought I finally knew up from down, so far as we were concerned.

Little did I know! So today I met Sarah at school and found out that she is feeling scared and out of control. She says she wants to go back to just being friends in order that she won't feel so afraid. Needless to say, I assented. I don't want her to have to do anything she isn't comfortable with, though I must admit I am at a loss as to how to act with her now.

right, so where do I go from here? Well, I suppose I shall try my hand at being her friend once again. I suppose I shall have to try to avoid the fact that I just want to call her up and see her every day. That sort of thing is not really the way friends act, after all.

More (hopefully good) news as events warrant.

Thought for the Day:
"In matters of the heart, the head is little use"

-The Doom of Fools

October 6, 2004 at 5:35 PM  

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